SuckAtTitles

I don't even know where to start. This weekend has been a long weekend. Encouraging but difficult to say the least. And even after it, I still don't know where I am really. I am sort of just a mess. I don't necessarily mean to be so much. But I feel like I have been so clouded spiritually these past few days and I am not sure how to get back on track. I have done my best to stay faithful but still things seem to keep falling. And maybe that is just me being emotional and whiny. But at this point, I feel so lost and I am not sure where to go from here.

But in the end, I can be encouraged by the fact that God is always victorious and no matter what kind of "funk" I seem to be in, He will get me through it by keeping me strong no matter what. And because I know that, I must praise Him no matter what kind of "funk" I feel like I am in.

I don't mean to sound so whiny and depressed all the time in all my blogs. But it is sort of a nice way to write all my thoughts down and vent, I suppose.

And... On a lighter note, Lyndi. I had the privilege of spending a lot of time with her this weekend. If anything good came out of going home this weekend, it was definitely her. We don't get to talk/see each other often, but when we do, I can always count on her blessing me in some special way. I am always reminded of why I fell in love with her a long time ago in the second grade in the first place. So.. Shout out to Baby Lyn Lyn Moore.

Also, I got a hair cut this weekend. And it's special because it happens to be a bigger change than I was expecting. I got bangs. Which.. I am just not remembering that my hairstylist told me that it's is called "fringe" now. So I guess I actually got fringe. Well, when Bekah saw me, I don't think she realized it was me. I asked her if she liked it and the precious girl promptly shook her head no. Gotta love that honestly. But they have already been cut. So I am going to be rocking the "fringe" for a while. Sorry Bek.

A lot of times, it's hard being back home. Because when I am home, like every good mother, my mother worries. So when I am not home by 1:00a.m. or before, she starts to worry. I was talking to Matty in the parking lot of the movie theater when the darling woman text me and told me to "come home because I was not in Starkville." She's right. I'm not in Starkville, but I am almost 20 years old. Summer is coming up soon. She and I might have to have a talk. Never a dull moment.

God is good, but learning to trust and stay faithful is hard.

Title

Today, we found out that one of Tracy and Andrea's friends from Olive Branch was killed in a car accident by a drunk driver. They seem to be taking it better than I expected. But all the sudden, I feel like life seems so short. Or maybe more that I am just taking it for granted. God could take away my life any given second, and instead I spend my time worrying about stupid stuff or doing stupid stuff. Why am I not more excited to wake up every morning? Why does it seem like such a chore to have to get up and actually do stuff everyday? God gave us the day. He gives us the opportunity to start over fresh every single morning and yet I don't really care or appreciate it. I bet the people who are sitting in the hospital right now dying from a fatal illness sure appreciate what God gives them every morning. It just sort of sucks to think that for most people, that's what it take to actually appreciate life. So many times do I hear people ask "what the point of life is". In truth, the point is to serve God fully. But what do we do instead? We get so wrapped up in ourselves that we don't even think about Him on a daily basis. Then we get mad when things don't go our way. But if we had the Lord and served Him fully and daily, I bet our attitudes would be completely different. We would have more joy in our hearts. We wouldn't wonder what the point of our life was. And maybe things would start going our way more.. Or rather God's way. Which is the best way in the first place. I am so selfish. Very very selfish. Today has been a very thoughtful day, I suppose. Plan of action? Change my attitude. Love the Lord more. Know Him more intimately. Serve Him with a more servant heart. Have more faith. Trust Him more. Learn to do what is more right in His eyes and not my own. Lastly, learn to be more obedient. I'm not very good at letting go of control.

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The Lord is teaching me great things. All at once. I'm exhausted.

Pray for me.

Went home for the day today. Thought I had another inflamed eye ball. Apparently, I just don't wear my glasses enough. I have to let my eyes rest. Problem is.. I put my glasses on the other day and thought they were somebody else's because I couldn't see anything out of them. Whoops. So.. Got new glasses. But they won't be ready till next week. The old lady said the ones I picked out looked good on my face. And with my hair?.. I guess that was nice of her to say.

I'm excited about this weekend because Sarah Kilpatrick is coming to visit me!! Yay!

Tracy needs to blog. Always on me about not blogging. But now I blog more than she does.

Andrea is beautiful and I love her. She and I went to the Pet Store the other day. I found a bunny. I want to buy him. And Andrea was all in with me. We are going to name him Ratchet. Like the dance. Or the tool, I guess. I am going with dance though because I just learned how to do it this past weekend. But anyway.. Back to the bunny. He was white with grey ears and grey paws and a grey nose and red eyes. He was beautiful.

Oh.. There is another exception to the all boys suck rule. Tyler Weatherman doesn't suck along with Matthew Wilson. He surprised me, Tracy, and Andrea with precious valentine's. MandT win. There is still hope in the world.

Tracy and I went to the refuge Sunday. It was a big adventure to say the least. She was no more than a foot away from an alligator. That could have ripped her legs off. Luckily, he was sleeping. And he never woke up. Next thing I know retard is throwing big sticks at him to see if he will move. And of course at that point, I am all up in the alligators grill trying to get pictures. Bottom line: We are idiots.

V-Day

If I can't count on anyone else, I know I can count on Matthew Wilson. I know that all boys suck, but Matthew Wilson is the exception. If I am ever feeling down and out, I know that he will always be there to cheer me up. Thank you Matthew Wilson for being amazing.

Also.. I had the perfect valentine this year. Tracy Frazier. You are beautiful and will always be the perfect woman for me.

Happy V-Day everyone. :)

I'm blogging because it makes me feel better when I write, as I have recently discovered.

Except now that I am sitting here trying to write, I have nothing to say. I feel like such a wreck right now. My roommates have no idea how much I appreciate them for putting up with me. I love them.

I'm bitter. But God is still good.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day Weekend to me and Tracy! We have big plans for this weekend as lovers. Tonight is chill night. But tomorrow is when all the fun starts. We are going to wake up early, around 11:30, to go apartment/house hunting. Then, we are going to go to Dandy Doodles to hopefully make a precious piece of ceramic for the house. And then.. Here is where the ultimate fun begins: TITANIC! I have never seen it, but Tracy and Andrea have been begging me to watch with them. So we decided that this weekend would be the best weekend for that. I am just thrilled... Thrilled, I tell you!! Sunday morning we will go to church and then we will go the refuge after that. Which might actually be what I am most excited about.

Lately, God has been speaking to me in big ways. One of which is a major change. I might be changing my major completely out of the art department. God willing, I might be changing to psychology. I am going to talk to the psychology department probably sometime next weekend. I am still praying and listening to see where the Lord is leading me. I'm excited to see what He has in store for me.

Lastly, Andrea and Mikey just got back to the apartment for the weekend. I love them both, but the lovey-dovey-kissy stuff makes me want to VOMIT!!! Luckily, Tracy and I are in this together though. V-Day sucks, needless to say. :)

Eh.

Well, the big "meeting" was last night with Krista. Went well. A lot better than the three of us had expected. By the end of the meeting, the only thing that I realized about her was that she is just weird. I have never met anyone like her before in my life. Which is fine. I just seriously wonder how she is going to make it in the real world with her being the way she is. But all we were really concerned about was resolving all the unsaid tension, which was what happened. So praise Him for that.

I'm about to go take a Spanish test. Which, I'm a beast at Spanish, so I'm not too worried. Really I'm more excited because I know that this will be more of a GPA booster for me.

It's also supposed to snow 2-3 inches tonight. I am having mixed feelings about it though. Mainly I just want it to be bathing suit weather. But then again.. A Thursday off of school would be cool too. But then again, we are just going to have to make it up on another saturday. So not really sure how I feel about all this weather. But really, the weather is going to do what it wants and not really consider my feelings. Oh well.

Anyway, I'm done whining.

Roommate Issues

Today was interesting to say the least. After five days of having no Krista, it's been sort of hard to get used to having her back. She wasn't even home ten minutes before she made me want to punch her in the face. However, now... I just feel sorry for her. And I feel conviction for the way we have talked about her and the hard heart I have had for her lately. Although, some might think the hard heart towards her is pretty understandable, God sees it differently. I should have a loving heart for everyone even when I feel I am done wrong.

We are having a "family meeting" with her tomorrow night. We are tired of walking on egg shells around her just to ease the tension. But I know that this family meeting will be different over all the others. This meeting will include everything that we have had a problem with from the very beginning. We won't be holding anything back. She will know exactly how we feel, and I hope we will know exactly how she feels without any misunderstanding. She feels like we are taking her the wrong way when she points things out to us, so this is going to be the time to get everything out in the open without any misunderstandings on either of our parts. I sort of hate that it has come to this because over the summer when we hung out a little bit, I felt really good about her. I could tell she was kinda weird, but I didn't think it was anything we couldn't work with.

I pray for her though. I pray that she would come to our meeting with an open mind. That she would hopefully see that we aren't out to get her but rather resolve things with her. Come to more of an understanding. I pray for our meeting. That God would just have His hand over it. That He would move the meeting in a way that would be pleasing to Him.

God has just recently taught me a lot about trusting Him in everything that I do and in every situation that I am in. Without a lot of details, He is teaching me to trust Him over things that I have absolutely no control over. Even though I feel like I might be able to do something about it, God is the only one who can. He is the only that can change a heart. Even when this heart is running from everything that it knows is good and right. I pray so intently for this heart. This heart thinks it is doing what is best, when in fact it is doing the exact opposite. I know God has His hand on it. I just pray that I would continue to seek after this fact and understand that I am just human. I can do nothing more than to pray and trust.

John 14:1 Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.

Two blogs in one day...?

Work stinks. Like literally. Sessums has the weirdest smell. Like I think it's even worse than Rice. Rice didn't smell too bad.

This weekend I had Sarah K. and Matthew come visit. We had a lot of fun. It's funny because it seems like every time Matthew comes to visit, he always gets to experience something new. Between dance clubs and different movies, his horizons are being broadened weekend by weekend. My favorite part of this weekend was teaching him out to do some zumba. He looked just like a wet noodle flopping around. But he was pretty good. Sarah just always brightens my weekend every time she comes. I don't get to see her as much as a used to because she is now living in Cleveland. Going to REAL college. But I miss her when she is gone.

Switching gears here... Valentine's Day weekend is next weekend. I have asked Tracy to be my valentine, and she did accept. I was so excited. Lately I have been really bitter on love, but she always knows how to keep me motivated. I am so in love with her. Also, Mikey thinks that Andrea is just his valentine, but little does he know he is sadly mistaking. She will also be my valentine. So he can suck it.

Betsey is in Mexico. I miss her all the time. I know she is loving it there, but so selfishly I want her to come home. I need to physically back in my life. So we can take pictures together and laugh together and hug. I pray for her while she is there though. I pray that God shines through her to her students. She has such a big heart for the Lord and little does she know, I pray a lot for a heart like hers.

Ending words: Praise Him.

EMOtional

Once again, Tracy has reminded me to blog. So.. Here I am blogging.

But I don't really have that much to say. Mainly, God is teaching me some crazy stuff. Testing my faith, teaching me to trust, and rely fully on Him. I wish I could tell how easy it is, but honestly, it is one of the hardest things I have had to learn throughout my vast 19 3/4 years of living. I pray that God's will will happen and I pray that my eyes are open enough to see the opportunity and not pass it up.

I know I go on about my roommates, but seriously they are probably the best thing that has happened to me since I have been in college. Ever since last semester I have just sort of been a wreck and they have helped mend a really broken heart. All is not lost. God is still good and He puts things in my life to make me stronger. Although, that sounded really cliché just now.

Hm.. This post was sort of emo. And that's the way it's staying.