"I just wish things were the way they used to be." -Matthew Wilson

I want that more than anybody. But the reality of it is.. That is never going happen. I haven't blogged in months mainly because this summer has been retarded. I haven't even known what to blog about. I guess I could start with the highlights.

The summer started off really bad. There were little things good about it. Like my new job. Being back at home with my family and a few friends. But basically I felt like I was being rejected by a lot of people. I felt like nobody wanted me, but I didn't understand what I did to be in the position I was. I was in a lot of pain from a situation that barely had anything to do with me. I was just on the outside, but the indirect hurt that I felt from it was unreal. The worst part? There was nothing I could do about any of it. All these things were happening and there was no way that I could stop it. I felt like everything around me was shattered.

And it was. Broken hearts. Broken spirits. Lies. Deceit. Manipulation. How did we all get to this place? What happened? When will it get better? When we will find ourselves again? Truth is.. All just so happens to not be lost. God has never left anybody. And although we are so unfaithful, he is still so faithful. Constantly I am the prodigal son who is leaving and coming back. Leaving and coming back. I am so unworthy to be loved by God.

Forgiveness. Such a hard concept to grasp. When you are hurt, you want nothing more than revenge. Unfortunately God doesn't work that way. He is a God of grace and mercy. Which is actually really great. So it's not really that unfortunate. I'm learning to forgive. Although it would just be much easier not to. But if I don't, I will have a massive wall between me and the Lord, and that is the last thing I need right now.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

-Lesson of the summer

Went to Dominican Republic for the fifth time. This was a different place with new people and new opportunities. The men built a church for the children while the women actually played with them. It was nice to get away.

I have had two friends constant this whole summer. Sarah and Matty. They are perfect. And I am so glad that I had them. Otherwise, I would be alone and crying all the time. We have done everything together. We have gone to dirt track races and tubed on boats. They have talked to me about my problems and pretended like they never got bored. They are seriously amazing.

Lastly, my job has been amazing. Who knew that one could learn so much from a bunch of middle schoolers. We will be leaving for Beautiful Feet on Tuesday. I am so excited. I pray that God does some great things on this trip. The other day I found out that not only do I get to be a chaperone/intern on this trip, but the last 3 days I actually get to be in charge because Matt will be leaving to go back home. Haha. This will be fun.

So this was a lot of random stuff packed into one huge blog. Maybe I will elaborate soon. But for now, that is all I got. I need an attitude change, less bitterness, and more forgiveness. It's not impossible. God has always been good and will continue to be.

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." James 1:12

Finals

It's 4:11 in the morning. I should have been studying for this Art History final, but I was just unable to focus on anything. Too much going on. I just want to be done. So since I couldn't focus on that, I just figured it would be best to try to sleep, but I couldn't do that either. So I then, I decided that I would just get up and work on studying until my 8:00am final. But instead, I am blogging. And now that I am sitting here blogging, I don't even know what to say.

It's storming outside right now. Apparently, it's supposed to get really bad. At least that's what our personal weather man said. Hopefully, we won't get blown away. And especially during exam week. I would hate for finals to be cancelled. That would be just awful.

I got a new phone. Samsung Galaxy. Best thing that has ever happened to me. Besides my nook. Well, I don't know. They run a close race. Anyway, finally in the 21st century. Feels good. I never knew how much I was actually missing by not having a "smart phone". I just got the Pandora app on my phone. Can't explain how awesome I think that is.

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul; in you I trust O my God. Do not let me be put to shame nor let my enemies triumph over me. No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse. Psalm 25:1-3

-Trust. Easier said than done.

Questions

God? Are you still there?

-Lauren

Whew.

Haven't blogged in a while. But not a lot has gone on really. My birthday was Tuesday but my birthday week started on Monday and will continue through Sunday. I have been having to deal with a lot of things spiritually as well. But that's been about it.

My mom came up on Monday and she spent the day with me for my birthday. We went to eat lunch at Stromboli's and then went to Columbus to Book-A-Million for my nook! That I am now completely obsessed with. It's almost embarrassing. But you can do all kinds of things on a nook. You can get on Facebook, play Sudoku, read, listen to music, etc. It's multifunctional and great. Then on Tuesday, I woke up to our living room completely decorated in red streamers and balloons and a red carpet (because I am a star!). Andrea and Tracy had stayed up until six that morning decorating for my birthday. They are so dedicated and I love them. I went to my car to drive to class and they had even filled my car with balloons. That night I was alone because everyone had night class but it was totally made up for with Andrea's homemade ice cream cake. Krista gave me some precious earrings that I love and I got a note from Andrea, Tracy, and Brittany saying that their gift would be in soon. Wednesday, tornadoes were about. But did that stop everyone from taking me out for my birthday dinner? No way. We went to Grumpy's for BBQ but left a little early because there was a monsoon brewing outside. So Tracy, Andrea, Tyler, and I came home for a huge round of Guesstures. Best round yet because Andrea and I finally got to win. However, Tyler was able to officially win everyone over with his belly dancing. Today, has been the greatest day ever. Because Andrea, Tracy, and Brittany's gift finally came in. They got me an eno!!!!!! Red. Just the color I wanted. It's so beautiful. But I couldn't even go outside to play with it because it was once again storming outside. But I know what I will be doing ALL weekend long.

Tomorrow, I go home for Easter. I can't wait because I haven't been back to Madison since Spring Break. Well, it's definitely not Madison that I miss but I really miss my family and friends. So I'm excited I am going to see them. My mom and I are actually going to look at new phones when I get home tomorrow. I think I am finally going to be up to date with the 21st century.

Lots of spiritual stuff has been going on. I have been angry about a lot of things lately. Things that I have no control over. But lately, God has put my anger to rest and once again I am back to square one learning to trust again. I am going to be starting my new job as middle school intern soon. May 2 to be exact. I will being going lots of places and talking to a lot of people and doing lots of stuff this summer. I know I am in for a great time of spiritual learning and I am more than ready now. God is great. So I am praying that He would give me an open heart/mind and that He would continue to guide me in His will.

Super Bulldog Weekend

Haven't updated in a while. But this weekend was Super Bulldog Weekend. Sarah came up. We went dancing. Watched some good ole football. It was a lot of fun. I haven't been home since spring break. Which hasn't been all bad, but I miss my fam. My mom has come up once. And I will be home for Easter. Then I come back for exams and it's back home for the summer. I think that it is going to be a memorable summer to say the least. Taking classes, new job, friends, etc.

Pictures from the weekend. :)

When did I become such an angry person?

Whew.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. -2 Corinthians 1:3-4

If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you, to some extent-- not to put it too severely. the punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him. The reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything. If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven-- if there was anything to forgive-- I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes. -2 Corinthians 2:5-11



To be honest, I'm not really sure what I am supposed to be doing with these verses. But I know the Lord has put them on my heart for a reason. Because as much as I keep wanting to put them in the back of my mind, they just keep coming up. I am praying that God would give me a clear vision, show me how to use these verses, and what needs to be my next plan of action.